Bowl Cut Man 5000

Great article and very thoughtful from a young man. I'm the eldest son of an 80 year old dad and 74 year old mom. I grew up as a lower middle class Asian immigrant and they made a lot of sacrifices for my education. Yet sadly I don't have any positive feelings for them due to their abuse and cynical view of me. Luckily they have a decent amount of assets now so I don't have to support them.

Great insight on people asking where you live. It's similar in Korea. In a lot of cases they are asking indirectly whether I live in a rich area and in turn whether I can afford to live there. I look poor, so asking where I live is a way of making admit my low status in public (i.e. humiliating me in public). If someone asks that to me, I choose to remain silent or ask them why they are asking, while steeling myself to leave or protect myself. I often leave by saying I have to go to the bathroom or make a phone call, and just ditching the person.

Looking at photos of my overbearing father in university and the Korean army, he seemed a lot like, well, me! Awkward, solitary, bewildered, out of place, not strong: the very traits he despises me for and takes advantage of. He had none of the things a young man would want…

Due to wrist pain, I needed an alternative to my regular mouse. I looked into good old trackballs which I remember from 80s arcade games like Centipede. I tried a $30 Logitech trackball which was a decent value for the price. However the ball was thumb-controlled and my thumb was…

As a stupid punk kid and teen, I felt Christianity was stifling, boring and uncool. I wasn’t able to do anything fun or “cool” that the cool heroes did on TV or movies, such as kiss or have bedscenes with feathered-haired women with a saxophone playing in the background, fight…

I miss the food sometimes, which is ironic because it took me 10+ years to get used to it and not think of it as revolting. I mostly miss the street food or poor student food. Soondae, mandu, dukbokki, odeng, jjajangmyun, jjajangbab, bokkumbab, tangsooyook, nengmyun, budaejjigae, momil, and even bbundaegi. Sadly, I can’t even eat them because I’m mostly vegan now and I’d never go to a Korean grocery in Canada.

I miss training at the boxing gyms and hiking on the mountains even though both activities gave me plenty of painful memories.

I don’t miss the people except for maybe a few handfuls who were amazing.

The future doesn’t look bright for that place with the demonic education system, demonic work culture, corruption, bullying, low birthrate, ancient grudges, low quality souls, economic crowding out by China, and geopolitical insecurity.

The logistics of continuing and maintaining this worthless life are exhausting.

I adopted Christianity out of the fear of Hell. Even lukewarm Christians, body modifiers, LGBT, bodybuilders, martial artists, rock/pop music players, alcoholics, yogis, buddhists (including the Buddha), hindus, those in the wrong sects of Christianity, mormons, muslims, pagans, weed…

I’m nearing fifty and the end of this “life”. Even when I was young, I was never engaged with life due to being runty, ugly, aspie, having narc immigrant parents, and never having much chance at “success”. Life was too wretched, painful, and mortifying; I was always interested in the…

Bowl Cut Man 5000

Korean male in Edmonton, Canada. Immigrated here in 1976 as a 2 year old.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store